Baby come here and sit down, let's talk
I got a lot to say so I guess I'll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing ain't been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it'll only take a minute
You'll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don't wanna see you cry
But I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I'ma do the best I can to get you to understand

There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you, it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what i need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Girl I know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times I
Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Thought I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know

How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Girl I hope you understand
What I'm tryna say.
We just can't go on
Pretending that we get along
Girl how you not gonna see it?

Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
I, I just can't do it
Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
And sometimes it makes me wanna cry
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh [4x]
Do you hear me crying?
Oh, oh, oh [4x]

I guess i could make do without you... under the same heaven we live totally different lives; breathing the same air however sharing different dreams... yet fate played a joke on us to let us met. in a place where things could never flourish, from a space which nothing can be taken seriously.
A friend once said to me, whatever happens in the club stays in the club... I guess something extraordinary did happened. we could have remain strangers but fate made us friends. we could chose to live our own life as it was, but we hanged around expecting for something to happen. everyday lived with you in it is filled with all of tomorrow's hope. I hope to see you soon!

*sigh* Finally had i realize that all this while, i have been taking things and the people around me for granted. it is not only till when somethings happened, and messes things up, that i know and i know how good they had been to me and i SHOULD by right learn how to appreciate them. They don't owe me a living really~ Yet, i was again abit too late to get all my thoughts straight. Many have i hurt. I'm really sorry, from the bottom of my heart...
And do you know something? Now i finally know why love is not made to order. when you are with someone, being comfortable, yourself and free are the most important factors one cannot leave out. you will naturally be happy or they will make u feel so. the sense of belonging will lift your mood up no matter how low it is... But if that someone is not the right one, no matter how hard you try to make it feel right, it won't have the same feeling and will never will. I understood that it's not how we want things and when we want it to be and to turn out to that counts, but it's time that is in control and nature in it's course. It should never ever be rushed...
My yesterday and last Friday was equally packed, fairly tired, and seriously shag. In terms of timing, you can say i stretched myself to the max. Better of died, but I'm glad i survived...

It's really sort of simple:

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches;)

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

this is it... i shall start counting down the days i am left in Singapore... mum paid my course fees yesterday (therefore die die, change my mind also have no choice but to go!), and they(IDP) is now processing my acceptances and visa etc. I'm seriously going to miss everyone here... another one month and few days on the countdown,and it will be faster then i thought. there are many people i wish to see before i go. because i won't know till when will i see them again. hope 2 and a half year won't be too long for them to still remember me...
and as for myself, i got to grow up and stop fooling and messing around anymore. i have to learn independents and how to make up my mind. a hundred and one 'have to' before i go, a thousand and one 'must do' before i forget. *sigh* so many things but so limited time... God, help me manage my time well,and cope with all that is needed to be handled and settled...

So i guess it will only be memories that link us together...and 1 fine day, when we look back at our glories past, i will dearly miss the days we shared... you and me, will just be part of a fairy tale story, who is struck in a once upon land, not knowing whether it's a happy ever or never ever after ending... all is in suspends. only heaven knows...
I won't mind just watching you sleep all the days of my life... because when you do, you look so vulnerable. it's a blessing to be beside you where you are, even though i know I'll get nothing in return after giving you my all... I will never forget those moments...

No... it's priceless!!!

What is wrong with my body? can't stop being thirsty ever still 10pm... have been drink more than 10 cups over 2 hours already and i can't help but be thirsty... WHY WHY WHY? do you think i have diabetes? it's one of the signs and Symptoms you know.... GOSH!

S/S of DM:
-frequent thirst despite drinking lots of water
-passing excessive urine during day and night
-constant hunger
-weight loss despite good appetite
-constant tiredness
-poor healing of skin cuts and wounds
-itchy skin especially around the genital area
Note that some diabetics may not experience any symptoms at all.

HOW? i got these 4(in bold) out of 8 S/S?!

ARH! it's Monday blues! dragged myself to work. somehow got my mum to sent me to the MRT station... come to think about it, it had been ages sinces i last sat her car... have been sitting my friend's Fairlady for some time now, so gotten used to the seat being so low, realize that her Kia picano seat is so high... haha...
anyway, took a blood test today... nothing better to do right? so got the my doc to poke me... haha~ not really actually... wanted to know my blood type, so did a blood grouping test...
but i seriously have fine veins sia... she spent almost 5 mins searching for a good one, but couldn't... she resulted in drawing blood from the back of my hand... the most painful place to poke because of all the nerve endings there.... but still, there wasn't even a good vein to draw sufficient blood from... out of 5ml needed, she only managed 1ml... crap! hope it's enough, or else i will kill her! haha...
and damn~ i broke a heart today... HELL, i feel so bad... i really didn't mean too.... serious!! i just don't want anyone to suffer in silence just because of me... at least now i know that an open wound is caused, it will for sure heal as time to come... i hope i am right about this...
i took an afternoon nap upon reaching home from work... slept till 9pm... now i can't sleep... damn~! i guess i shall take some Dhasedyl( cough syrup) to knock me out.... got to work tomorrow....

It seems like it has been days since the last time I've been blogging ya? I'm also not sure what i am busy with... hehe...
so let me summarize my week....

20 April 2007
Finally got my nursing licenses! After the long wait and tough training, i am now a qualified nurse. I'm so proud of myself! It's a been long day today. Went to work, then after that to school to collect my final transcript and finally to nursing board to register...paid a freaking 70 bucks for the practicing cert. damn expensive la....I'm broke.
had my driving lessons at 5pm... dun even know what's wrong with me sometimes, i stalled the car twice, and mount the kerb once...thinking that i am still doing such Things as my test date nears scares me...Help! ate dinner with Peiying at city hall at 7pm... did alot of catching up! she treated me to it though... I only had 3 bucks to my name~ Thanks! later, walked ALONE from city hall to orchard( because i had hell plenty of time) to meet him for a movie. Was very tired actually but because of some reason i couldn't understand, i went ahead with it... we watched 200 pound beauty... A very nice show in my opinion. it voiced out my thoughts and feelings. so near, yet so far... so my packed Friday just ended off like that, caught a night rider 7 home after the show. Progression, NONE~

21 April 2007,
Freakingly *toot* pissed off today! An IDIOT dropped my phone today... on the road somemore! talk about no appreciation for your kindness! damn, there are scars on it now... as the clumsy owner of the phone, i didn't even drop it, then what hell qualify's you too?! you piece of shit! i won't like it as much as i dd before already. I'm one freaking perfectionist... maybe i will give it away and get a new one if i have the cash... Damn! why must you make me dislike it when i am starting to accept it? and create more trouble for me sia?! HATE YOU!

Sunday, 22th:
Last day of the week... sianz... was craving for pizza, so ordered a meal... real filling, i believe I've gain weight already... whatever.... i dread going to work tomorrow.... *sigH*

I guess i finally came to my senses now...
thanks to Joel...
was having a heart to heart talk just now through msn...
it's funny how certain people appears in your life at different point of time?
he made me believe that if i just set my focus right, on the correct thing for the right time, then all things will go pretty well and right... but 1st, i have to first learn how to love myself before i come and talk about love.. yup! haha....
I will be a stronger person, because all the answers are all up to me... how i want to live my life is all in my hands... =)

I guess my days here are limited. it's already mid April and my path is still so blur and filled with humps and bumps. have to clear those obstacles before i leave Singapore for good, or for bad? sometimes, freedom is not a good thing for me.... because i don't know my limits and boundaries.
so lets recall Thursday the 19...
hmmm.... joke of the day: used tongue depressors to eat my instant noodles!!!
what a clown i am... that's because i was so blur to forgot to ask for a pair of chopstick when i bought my cup noodles from cold storage for lunch, and i couldn't find any at work. so, i mean, What else does a clinic have that i can use to pick my noodles other than the 'ice-cream sticks' look alike? haha... so pathetic! loser... and what makes it more cartoon is that my colleague showed my a big bunch of chopsticks stored in one of the drawers when she came back! ARHHH!
OK... so i make a fool out of myself again... gotten used to it anyway.
couldn't remember why my colleague and i started on the topic, but we were suddenly talking about how guys of the same age as us girls don't have the equal level of maturity when it comes to the way we think? Oh ya! i remembered... because there was a couple that came in to see the doctor and the wife is 8 years older than her husband! Gosh~ she 42, he 34! i was still wondering what their relationship was when they entered the clinic, until my colleague confirm to me saying that they are married! Man, i won't accept the fact if i have to get married to someone younger than me... so does this prove that age doesn't matter? haha... so that means i can get married soon.. YA... and not because of short gun but because i want to settle down fast. lame! so we were chatting, as usual, because we are damn free and bored to tears, and she said that a guy around 25 to 28 years of age should me best for me in terms of thinking and way he handles stuffs... hmm... putting it into some consideration, quite true! he has a stable career, able to start a family, can think of the future, knows and went though the storms of life.... Yup! so attention all macho looking mature man at the age of 26-28 years, FULL-TIME HUSBAND NEEDED. haha...
criteria to meet:
1) must put family 1st
2) have a stable career and income. if u own a car it will be better...
3) must love children, because I'm not good with neither handling them nor taking care of them.
4) must be fit (physically ya?), so as to be able to do the house chores and stay healthy so i don't have to because your private nurse. and plus, i love those muscles: six pack~ ooooooOOOO!
5) holds a degree.. I'm fine with a diploma but you have to be street wise and be quick in thought, other wise you will never win me in words...
6) hmmm.... what else? must have a heart of a women, sensitive ya? not gay nor petty! haha....
okok... i could stop the crapping right here... before i get too lame and ridiculous! LOL.
Hey, but I'm serious about that getting married at this young thingy k? whatever~

The day is coming to an end again, 24 hours, just *woof* away in a blink of an eye... And look! another week will almost be over so soon. Just like every other normal day, went for my driving lessons after work. it's seems like i getting better already, thinking that my test date is less then a month away scares me... i have to pass it no matter what... nothing is more important than that now. it's my world!!! everything depends on it...

sometimes, i feel so confused. what do i actually want in life? i often get easily excited over the smallest things. grow up! only kids do that! distractions are an always thing. i never do understand the 'better not' theory but the 'cannot do' theory. yup! maybe what 1 of my friend said is right, i never know what is pain until i'm terribly get hurt. coming to think about it, my thoughts ran wild again... i really need someone to run my life for me... someone who will set the rules for me, and make sure i don't break them. i guess I'm too playful bah. than how can this carry on? what will happen when i am over at Melbourne? won't it be like all hell let loose? chaos on earth?! that scares me... that's why, sometimes being tired down early to the right person isn't a bad thing after all, because it installs you will all the commitment and responsibility you need to keep you damn focus... Hmmm..... right! having my 'get married soon please' dream again... i think i am just have the thinking of a 24 years old women struck in a 20 years old body bah... *sigh* What this life all about? i don't understand... I'm so physically and mentally so wore out.

yes i know you are in pain... going through life's hard cold reality... but you got to be strong, i know you can... anyway you still got me? don't you? but please, for shouting out loud, don't bring the whole world down went there is still hope... don't treat life as if it had owed you, but instead ask life what you can offer...
well... i know it's a damn painful thing for someone to go through, and if there's a choice, no one should ever go through all this shit, but it's time to face up to the fact that it's the truth!
Hell you don't act as if you are the only one hurting and ignore everything once and for all...
what had happened, and for whatever it is yesterday, still exist today for god sake! it doesn't means that if a problem comes today, all history will ease itself and become invalid. you will just have to learn how to cope, it's doable. trust me.
for now, all you want to do is deny, hide, turn your back against the world, and flip it upside down if you can. i guess i will leave you this way if that how you want to be bah... i can't force you to do anything because i am no one and in no position to say anything.
but do you hell know that it hurts me badly just to see you in this state? to see once a sunshine so gloomy and down? i miss your smile, that joyful atmosphere you used to bring.
hey!!! can i walk through is dark valley with you? I'm scare of the dark too, but at least two is better then one?
please stop acting this way, you are hurting me...

hmm.... so here i am again... maybe it's high time i continue my story; or should i just end it here and start summarizing it? i am sorry that I've became an 'emo kia' again, but sadly i just made a big fool out of myself totally. Thanks to everyone who tolerated my nonsenses yesterday. i apologize if my words i had said unknowingly hurt or offended you. i seriously didn't mean it.

yup...
back to Sunday...
it's just something i will never understand. but please don't treat me like a tissue paper, use liao then throw. because i also have feelings too. and i also have a mother that gave birth to me. please don't blame the tissue paper for causing you to have flu, because though it's only one piece, but it's still of good help and never caused you harm... cherish it!

crap! I'm talking rubbish again...

A picture speaks a thousand words. 101 thoughts stumbled across my mind...

Two bored girls at City hall... Sianz...

Freakingly irritated today... Was woke up in the wee hours of the morning, hell knows what time!?, to be told that my main door's lock is spoiled and the key is struck! Shit! Man, i was thinking so this is it sia, the whole family won't be going anywhere today and work will be a miss for all... Damn! Not because i like like work, but i won't want to give a bad impression to my boss on my second week there! I was like what the *toot*! What a thing to start a day... So called the lock smith and paid a hell 95 bucks to drill out the lock! Freak~ Alright alright, at least now it's over... Got a new lock and stuffs... Yup, so that's about it...

Sometimes, someone comes into your life that changes everything, raises the standards, makes you laugh, and makes you feel like you.
There is just something about him that you can't put into words.
And even though you're not with him, you don't want to let him go..

ARRRHHHH! I really feel like screaming and i think I'm going to explode! Yes, many things in life is often beyond our control, and i have to totally agree on that that sometimes, things just won't go the way we want it to be... Love is not to order... But no matter how hard i try, no matter what i do, putting away that 4 letter word away and not letting it out is driving me nuts.... For those who don't know me well, i bet they will think i am one big emo freak! Day in day out so emotional about stuffs... "Take it easy!" You'll say. You're right, maybe i am... However, ever since i tried to stop all my nonsenses, and divert all my attention onto better stuffs, i get all clotted up inside.... I feel so lost without that someone. I feel empty without that someone. Why?! Someone Please tell me why?!
I always thought i was a very independent girl, a career minded, care free, no one can control me type of person... But recently only did i realised that I've became so submissive, so agreeable, so yes dear, anything you want dear kind of person! What had happened? Had i changed or is it the person's influences on me? Gosh! I feel like I'm going mad....
I know whatever i say now, it won't make you change the way you think. You might even think i am childish, self centred and stubborn... But i just want only the sweetest and happiest moments and memories before i leave this place to further heights. That i could never have to drop a single drop of tears, and be embraced in you arms once again for the last time before i start missing it for the next 2 and a half years? Can u be so cruel not to fulfil this easily contented child's wish, to be felt loved and be the whole world to you just like you had for your ex? You only have to bluff me for 2 months, because i know you still can't replace her in your heart... But after that, only God will know when or ever will we see each other again... Because if we were never meant to be, even flesh and blood can never bring us together. Don't worry, no pressure, i don't like it when you don't smile and is so unhappy. I just want to wish you well... Well, at least I realized your smile that very fine day, had a big enough impact to brighten up my world?! Please don't take away my sunshine! Friend we shall be if you say so....... =/

I'm going nuts!!!

Hmm... It's another band new day again... Nothing much to look forward to. I had tore tons of paper just now, for office use of course.. haha~ So i guess this is it, from today on, i shall start packing up my emotional baggage and clean up the horrendous mess i created ever since God knows when?! Surely and sadly, enough is enough! I rest my heart. hmm... Sounds so emotional right...? haha...
Looking back at the days where we spent together, it was just so hmmmmm, sweet... Yup, that word should be able to summarize it all... Nothing much for me to say about it now. I rest my case. So i think I'll just have to file them all up as "sweet memories i once had" in my ever forgetful rusting brain. Maybe 1 day, maybe maybe maybe, i can happily reopen this file again and continue the story. I do wish~ *Sigh* So IF just 1 fine day, and you look high and low, over every mountain and dive every sea,from the east to the west, combing every city and towns, looking for me; believe me this once ya, don't bother hunting for me anymore... Just call my name. Because i am no more existing on planet earth, but living quietly in your heart, sharing every moment of sadness and joy you had, listening to your every complain and hurt, and comforting that ever broken heart. I'm no where far, just too near to be seen, but felt.... Yup... That's about all.. *smiles* Hope i have a nice day ahead... 4 more hours till knock off!

It's lunch time! WoW~ After a long weekend, everyone is coming in to see the Doctor! They must had overslept then came to take MC!! The Doctor here gives MC as though it free you know!? ( ya la, the paper is free what!) Haha...Really shocking to see nearly 50 over patients within a time span of 5 hours... The doctor must have been cursing in her seat! Hee^ And for me, i have been refilling the medicine stock... God knows how much bottles i have poured. My hand were actually shaking... Maybe i could consider buying 1 of those syrup refill back. It's 3.8 litres, confirm drink until you KO! Haha... Bored! Freakingly bored sia... Can't wait till i knock off at 4pm! I will go home and watch my rented DVD... Yup! Shall go check on the boiling water now, then i can make my instant soup! Yummy~

what's happening? I really don't know... I just can't sleep! *sigh* So I guess that leaves me with no choices... The violence's shall take it by forces!! And this time, it's my precious sleep for heaven's sake! 4 mores hours before I have to start preparing for work... Gee^ Shag!!!

"I think I love you... coz I miss you... I'm falling for you... now I need you..."
extracted from the song; I think I-Full house

Memories filled my yesterdaes, and dreams of tomorrow awaits, but every today spent with you makes every yesterdae a sweet fairy tale and every tomorrow a day I can't wait to look forward to.

*wink*

[U think, I tot, Den who confirm?!] Hee^

you won't want to know how many months had passed before I finally force myself to sit down here and do up this page. Totally had no will power nor interest in getting the page started, till now!! *grin* There!!! My work of art? Not a very fanciful one though, but plain and simple, I'm quite contented with that... So till next time, after i figured out how to do more stuffs, then maybe i will consider editing my blog again ya? hehe... *smiles*

You Will Always Be Close To My Heart

Just Being Me! Simple yet complicated~ There is no good or bad days, just days of grace. The grace to enjoy or the grace to endure.

Wear comfy shoes

Travel around the world

Live a life of a princess

Be in a happy and strong marriage and have lots children

Have my own house and car

buy and do things i could never afford or think about before

SwEeT dIaNa
~aH bOnG~
Mui Mui
BenicE

X X X X X